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Before we say more, we have a recommendation: As you read this page, allow yourself to be aware of any strong emotions that this question stirs up in you and, if the feelings get to be too much, take a break or do whatever else you might need to calm down.This question always involves strong feelings, both in those who have been hurt by an unwanted or abusive sexual experience in childhood, and in people who care about them.Attempting to understand why someone behaved in a harmful way is absolutely not about making excuses for their behavior.
They may not recognize some hopes they have for the benefits that such understanding could bring. Over time the full significance of this question in your life may become clearer – or completely change as other aspects of your life change.
Only by taking genuine responsibility for their own actions, as well as responsibility for never doing it again, and by sincerely attempting to make amends (not necessarily directly with the child or adult the child has become, who may want nothing to do with them), can those who have sexually used or abused a child truly heal themselves.
Also, attempting to understand why is not about forgiveness, and helping someone attempt to understand why is not about encouraging forgiveness.
Such differences and divisions totally make sense, and are normal.
There is no one perspective that is right for everyone all the time.